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Please click here Issue 220 - 6th November, 2006 Go to our website Here * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick Recently I was approached by our city-wide, daily newspaper to do a father and son story for them. The only problem with the article is that my son mentions that I don't help my wife with the housework very much. I was working so hard at trying to create a good impression and my youngest son has blown me out of the water by telling the truth. Truth is one of the occupational hazards of being a father and I would far prefer that you didn't know such things. However wives and children have no regard for our egos and tell the truth anyway. The journalist, William Verity, from the Illawarra Mercury is a very committed father himself. Here is his story. Takes Two - Father and Son The Weekender - Saturday 28th October 2006 Warwick Marsh founded the Fatherhood Foundation from his Berkeley home in 2002 to help men become better fathers. He also tours the world in a family band with his wife and five children. His youngest son, Israel, is the guitarist. Warwick Marsh, 52: I think all my relationships with my children are special but it's interesting how my relationship with Israel has developed over the last few years. Part of it is that we share musical tastes, we think alike and he's great with his jokes. He is interested in politics and he follows news, like me, where my other sons only follow it to make conversation with me. We are a musical family. My wife Alison is a keyboardist and I started playing guitar when I was 12. We brought our family up to play music without thinking we would have a family band. We have played for 16 years together and have travelled all over the world, performing in venues like churches, clubs, arenas. We call ourselves The Marshes. It's very unimaginative. Israel and I both play guitar. I am a roots musician. As our band has evolved our sound has changed; the boys are doing hip-hop and rap. We have recorded two albums as a family. It's mostly original music. I think fathers have to develop an excuse to be with their children. As men, we can develop connections through car mechanics or sport. It's been an excuse to connect and Israel and I think alike musically. He's turned out to be a better guitarist than me which is most annoying and he can play guitar behind his head like Jimi Hendrix. Israel has a twisted sense of humour. He loves going to extremes and he's extremely creative. I like to think I'm funny but I think Dad's jokes are never as funny as anybody else's. My mother and father married late and they were set in their ways which created the third world war at home. One way I have tried to be different to my dad is to love my wife. I think to love a woman is one of the hardest things a man can do. Men love women but we find them annoying because they are so different. The greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. That means children will have both a mother and father. I grew up sometimes with my mother and other times with my father and I grew up with a broken heart. Israel Marsh, 19: My dad is passionate about certain things. He can get really focused and get things done. He's pretty crazy and I see that in me sometimes. I'm a bit weird and I get that from him. Sometimes I hear myself saying random words like "yabbadabbadoo" and I realise that dad says that. He's shown me a lot in terms of raising family and how to do it right. We happily get along most of the time. Just watching him and learning. It's leadership. It's about stepping up to the plate and taking on the role that fathers should have. When things need to be done, he'll grab the reins and give direction and take the hard calls. The music has helped us to gel together because we have this other perspective of being musical together. We interact with our music. That's helped us to be a better family. It's good fun hanging out with the family. Sometimes us boys will run off around town. We do that more and more as we get older. It's not all happy happy; we do have arguments after long plane trips but most of the time we just have fun together. Sometimes my dad will get so focused on something that he will sit at the dinner table and you will ask him something and you will get no reply. Being focused is a strength and a weakness. Sometimes you have to get back to where you are. He doesn't help mum much with the housework either. He's done a pretty good job. It's easy for me to fault him in certain areas, but I don't see it from his perspective. Sometimes he gets too busy with the rest of his life. I think his fatherhood stuff is great because I can see there's a lot of hurt out there. Some people haven't had a good experience. Kids need their dads if possible. I think it's good to have that balance. You need mums and dads. The relationship we have got is probably a unique one. It used to be dad the authority figure but as I have got older, I realise how much he knows. As I have got older, I have levelled up with him. I've understood what makes him tick and that in turn has taught me about myself. He's become more of a mentor. Lovework I could tell you to help your wife with the housework this week but you would quote, "physician heal thyself", back at me. It looks like I will be scrubbing the floors this weekend. You have a break from Lovework this week while I catch up. ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. Charles Wadworth back to top Laughter back to top Single Dads Tony Miller's Diary 31 October 2006 Day 18. Shannon is once again struggling. I guess this is just part of the ups and downs that go with 'ARDS'. It's devastating to watch. She seems to be wasting away but I'm not giving up hope. Her gall bladder became swollen over the weekend but she is too ill to undergo an operation so they have drained it. Tomorrow they will try and see what is going on inside her tummy. Our hope is they will find whatever it is that is making her sick and fix it. Tonight she had her eyes open, although sedated, I could see the terrified look on her face. She was waking up wondering where she was. I was talking to her, stroking her hair and tears were flowing from the corner of her eye, her face was grimacing as if in pain. I spoke to her nurse and she gave her more sedation. I don't think I have felt more helpless than tonight. It's like watching your child screaming in pain with your hands tied behind you, unable to lift a finger to help. I had to leave her because I didn't want her to see that I was as frightened as she was. Some people may wonder why I am writing about all this in public. Well for one it helps me; it gets it out rather then bottling it in. A bit like what we do in 'dids'. The other reason is that when Shannon does come home, she will have a diary of what happened. The nurses tell me the drugs they are giving her will erase her memory of what has happened. In a lot of ways that's a good thing but knowing Shannon she will want to know one day. Thirdly and most importantly I believe by putting this out in cyberspace, the more people that read it, the more prayers and energy she will receive. So tell your friends. I am a big believer in the power of prayer. I don't care of what denomination you may come from or what you believe, that's up to you. I just believe that the more people that read this and send their energy, prayers, healing, the better. And while you at it there is a young girl called Kelly also in the ICU here at Penrith that is also in need of your energy, prayers and healing. Kelly also has a lung problem although more complicated than Shannon's. She has been in here for over 3 months. Her parents need your support as well. You know often at meetings I ask my guys to do something during the week before the next meeting. And that is to just take the focus off their own problems just for 5 mins or an hour or a day and perform an act of kindness for someone in their group. It may just be a phone call, a card, an offer of a cup a coffee somewhere, anything, just an act of kindness. Tonight I am asking if you could refocus your attention just for a minute or five or whatever you can give and perform an act of kindness for Kelly and her family by sending them your energy, prayers and healing because they need it too just as much as my baby does. Kindness and compassion as you have heard me say many times, is the rent we must pay, for the space we inhabit on this earth. I reckon I'm still behind with the rent but I'm trying to catch up. What about you? Tony Miller Dads in Distress www.dadsindistress.asn.au back to top All you need is Love WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE? IGNORE YOUR CHILDREN! by Tess Simpson, Daily Mail, UK Last week was something of a record for me. I was propositioned by three married men, two of whom knew I was married, says Tess Simpson in the Daily Mail. In itself, this isn't particularly remarkable - not because I'm a sex siren, I hasten to add, but because I've just finished a novel about adultery. Quite a few husbands seem to think this means I'm willing for truth to emulate fiction. But what made last week so noteworthy was that all three potential philanderers gave the same reason for wanting to cheat on their wives. "She's so wrapped up in the children," one explained. "She never has any time for me these days. Our sex life has more or less evaporated. What with her work and the kids, it's like she doesn't even know I'm there." The others echoed his complaint. All felt they'd been pushed aside in favour of the children, and were angry and resentful about it. A woman's immediate response is to dismiss such men as pathetic, and with some justification. But just because we don't like how they feel doesn't mean we should ignore it. It's no secret that many new fathers feel marginalised and excluded once children come along. This usually has nothing to do with how they feel about the baby. But all the love and attention that was previously focused on them has suddenly been diverted to the squalling, red-faced scrap of flesh in their wife's arms. Men aren't used to second place in a woman's affections. The harsh reality is that unless women want to suddenly take on the burden of parenthood alone, it's time we woke up to what men really want - and that isn't having to live in their children's shadow. "Utopian romance gets blasted by the realities of family life," says family therapist Esther Perel, author of Mating In Captivity: Sex, Lies & Domestic Bliss. "Cultivating the ideal relationship requires care and attention, and this competes directly with the "full-contact" parenting many of us embrace. The past few decades have ushered in an emphasis on children's happiness that would make our grandparents shudder. Childhood has been sanctified to such a degree that it no longer seems ridiculous for one adult to sacrifice herself entirely in order to foster the flawless and painless development of her offspring - a 24/7, one-person child-rearing factory." A survey last week revealed that - contrary to the myth that modern couples and are too busy to bond with their children - these days we all want to be 'Superparents' who spend more time with our children than ever before. The figures suggested that parents today spend four times as many minutes a day with children under 16, 99 minutes compared to 25 in 1975. Of course, the knee-jerk reaction is that this is a good thing. But in reality, it's just another example of a generation of adults prostrating themselves at the altar of their offspring. My two siblings and I grew up in no doubt that we were loved, but also that we were of secondary importance in the family hierarchy. My mother made it clear that in our house, my father came first. "He's the one I married," she said. "And he's the one I'll still be married to, long after you've all grown up and left home." back to top Thought of the Week Insanity is hereditary You can get it from your children. Samuel Levenson back to top Special Feature Men Have Biological Clocks Too, Sperm Study Says John Roach for National Geographic News June 6, 2006 Note to men: You've got a biological clock too, and it's ticking. It's not just women who face decreased reproductive success with age. The genetic quality of sperm deteriorates as men get older, according to a new study. Sperm may degrade with age, resulting in male biological clock Starting in their 20s, men face steadily increasing chances of infertility, fathering an unsuccessful pregnancy, and passing on to their children a genetic mutation that causes dwarfism, according to the study. The finding comes as more and more men are delaying fatherhood. Since 1980 U.S. birth rates have increased up to 40 percent for men aged 35 to 49 and decreased up to 20 percent for men under the age of 30, according to the research. Studies have also shown that it takes longer for older men to conceive. "We [now] know the probability for certain types of DNA damage goes up with age, and we can give you a mathematical probability," said Andrew Wyrobek, a researcher at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore, California. The higher the percentage of a man's sperm that has DNA damage, the less likely he will be able to successfully father a healthy child, Wyrobek added. Wyrobek is a co-lead author of the new study, which appears in today's issue of the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Researchers have long known that female fertility decreases with age. The longer women delay reproduction, the greater their risk of miscarriage and giving birth to children with diseases such as Down syndrome. Female fertility abruptly ends with the onset of menopause. "Our research suggests that men too have a biological time clock, only it is different," Brenda Eskenzai, a study co-author at the University of California, Berkeley's School of Public Health, said in a statement. "Men seem to have a gradual rather than an abrupt change in fertility and in the potential ability to produce viable healthy offspring." In the study, Wyrobek, Eskenzai, and colleagues examined the genetic quality of sperm from 97 healthy, nonsmoking men between the ages of 22 and 80. The men were current and retired employees of the Livermore laboratory. The study sample included at least 15 men from each ten-year period from 20 to 60 years of age and 25 men 60 to 80 years old. In earlier research on the same sperm samples, the team found that sperm count, mobility, and the ability of sperm to move in a straight line declines with age. The new research shows that mobility has a high correlation with DNA fragmentation. The new study also found that men face increased risk of fathering children with achondroplasia, a genetic mutation that causes a form of dwarfism. The condition stunts bone growth; affected individuals have short arms and legs and grow to only about 4 feet (1.2 meters) tall. As women grow older, they are more likely to give birth to a baby with Down syndrome. Not so for men, apparently. However, the study found no general correlation among male age and chromosome changes that cause Down syndrome. Even so, 4 of the 97 men were at increased risk for transmitting multiple genetic and chromosomal defects, according to the results. Age may have nothing to do with these subjects' condition, though; one was in his 20s and three were over 60. Interestingly, Wyrobek added, the sperm in the Lawrence Livermore sample showed no increase with age in Apert syndrome, a disfiguring birth defect. However, the likelihood of fathering a child with Apert increased with age in men from inner-city Baltimore, Maryland, tested by researchers at the Johns Hopkins Medical Center for a different study. Wyrobek cautioned against reading too much into the Baltimore study group's results, since they were all from men who lived in the same area. "There're other things going on besides age. ? It could be socioeconomic, or diet, or ethnicity." Further studies, he added, will examine the Apert syndrome factor in greater detail. Don't Panic Craig Niederberger is a urologist at the University of Illinois in Chicago. He said the research findings are interesting and warrant further study. But he cautioned that the technique used to test the DNA of sperm is new and controversial. "Older men should not yet be concerned about fathering children. The evidence is still inconclusive," he said. According to Niederberger, who is president of the Society for Male Reproduction and Urology, researchers need to examine the integrity of sperm DNA with other methods before sounding alarms about male infertility. Nevertheless, he said, the finding that a genetic mutation that leads to dwarfism increases with age is cause for "some concern. We ought to pursue it." Wyrobek said the research raises more questions than answers. But it suggests certain kinds of DNA damage and genetic defects go up with age. Bottom line: "There are consequences of delaying fatherhood," he said. For photos, and research links: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/06/060606-sperm-clock.html back to top News & Info Mens Health starts with Men Support Prostrate Cancer Research and Male Depression whcih are two of the largest areas which threaten Mens health and survival 1. Men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy of males is 6 years less than females. 2. Every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer. 3. Depression affects 1 in 6 men-Most don't seek help. Untreated depression is a leading risk factor for suicide. Rates of suicide are more than double the national road toll. http://www.movember.com/au/whatismov/ Breathing Under Water Understanding 12 Step Spirituality Monday 13th November 2006 7.30pm to 9:30pm You are invited to register for an evening with FR. RICHARD ROHR (O.F.M.) BARDON CONFERENCE CENTRE 390 Simpsons Rd. Bardon, Q. For further information contact: MTM Australia (07) 3876 8710 Richard Rohr has been exploring issues of male spirituality since 1987. From this work Richard observed that men in our western culture were lacking in their experience and understanding of the transcendent power of God. He has established Rites of Passage programs in New Mexico to help guide men through a formal initiation process that they may have missed during their critical developmental period as young men. The Men As Learners and Elders (M.A.L.E.s) program was established in 2002 to carry out the vision of creating a school for male spiritual development by expanding the scope of Men's Rites of Passage programs throughout the world. One of the goals of M.A.L.E.s is to form an extended network of men and leaders who have an ecumenical vision of the Gospel. These men will then serve as Elders in providing leadership and guidance in spiritual development for other men in future generations. ************************* No Child Support Compo for Duped Dad By Kate Lahey, October 31, 2006 http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,20677411-1702,00.html . A MELBOURNE man who paid child support for eight years for two children who were not his own has lost a bid for compensation for psychological damages. Liam Neale Magill, 56, sought compensation from the Commonwealth Child Support Agency, claiming it breached a duty of care owed to him and caused him psychological injury. Mr Magill says the agency failed to quickly correct over-deductions taken from his salary, which left him at one stage with just $132 a week to live on during 1999. When he pointed this out to the agency in June, 1999, he also told them for the first time that he suspected two of the children were not his. DNA testing confirmed this later. County Court Judge Graham Anderson dismissed Mr Magill's compensation claim today, saying there was no basis for it. Mr Magill began paying child support for three children after he separated from his wife in 1992. In 2000, DNA testing revealed that only one of the children was his. In November, 2002, Mr Magill was awarded $70,000 from his ex-wife by the Victorian County Court for damages and economic loss. However, the Victorian Court of Appeal later overturned that decision, ruling there was no evidence Meredith Magill had intended to deceive her husband. Mr Magill has appealed that ruling in the High Court. In his decision today, Judge Anderson said the agency did not repay Mr Magill the money he had provided for the two children because to do so would disadvantage their mother. Outside court, Mr Magill's partner, Cheryl King, said today's decision showed how difficult it was to take on a government agency. She said Mr Magill was financially crippled while the agency took from June to September, 1999, to correct the deductions. Ms King said the agency should pursue the children's real father. "There's a perfectly healthy, breathing, living, biological father out there that could easily have paid for his own children," Ms King said. "This organisation is well overdue for an overhaul and their practices are not equitable. "One way or another, it's just not equitable for the average person like Liam Magill." Lawyers for the Commonwealth told the court they would seek costs from Mr Magill. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Battle for Balance Alby Schultz Mp is the sitting Federal Member for the Federal seat of Hume. He has produced a booklet 'The Battle for Balance - A heartfelt war of relationships, families and money' about Child Support in Australia. In the forward of 'The Battle for Balance', Alby writes: 'During the past couple of years I have conducted some of Australia's most comprehensive case study research on this issue. What I have uncovered is an alarming number of parents, in the majority fathers, who are not only being denied a significant place in their child's life by the Family Court but are then being driven to desperation, and in some cases suicide, by one-sided and discriminate legislation and a relentless bureaucracy called the Child Support Agency.' To request a copy of this insightful document please write to Alby Schultz MP Federal Member for Hume 33 Ottiwell St Goulburn NSW 2580 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Older Dads - SBS TV Documentary Request for Interviews Iris Pictures is an award winning documentary production company who specialise in longer form, intimate social documentaries. Most of our work is screened on the ABC or SBS TV. We are based at Film Australia, Sydney. SBS TV have approached us to develop a four part series exploring the issues faced by Older Dads. The joys, the struggles, the realities. We are looking for men 50 years and older who have become dads for the first time or second time around. Perhaps you are about to have a baby or already have a newborn or toddlers....teenagers or older children. Perhaps you are a 75 yr old dad with a 10 yr old son?or you are currently trying to conceive a child. I'd be open to all sorts of situations as we're looking for a cross section of stories. Initially, I would like to do an interview on the phone with the possibility of filming early next year. I'd greatly appreciate any interested dads (or potential dads) contacting Nicky Ruscoe on the following: Mobile: 0418 626 981 Wk: 02 9413 8700 Email: nruscoe@filmaust.com.au I am hoping to complete all phone interviews by November 17th. Thank you very much. I appreciate your time and consideration. Nicky * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Hey, Dad for fathers who have a child with a disability is a new addition to the Hey Dad series of programs and is being developed in partnership between Burnside, Centacare Broken Bay and The Spastic Centre and Lifestart with funding from FaCSIA. 6-7 February 2007 - 7 Blackwood Place, Nth Parramatta Ph: Andrew King on 0412 404 577 This training supports facilitators to target dads who have a child with a disability, and provide Dads and Kids Playgroups and a Dads? Workshops in either a three or five hour format. The training provides a suggested program and resources for workers to facilitate both types of groups. Themes explored in the Dads? Workshops include: - working in partnership with service providers - juggling the needs of your family, work and your own needs - balancing the needs of other family members - encouraging your child?s emotional growth - focusing on the future The program will help organisations that support families who have children with disabilities, to involve fathers more easily into their service. When both workshops are provided once per school term, the manual provides enough resources to deliver an 18-month program. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation I have just seen your advertisement on the television and I am disgusted. I cannot believe that you are advertising the importance of fathers and then depicting a father who obviously has no idea of responsibility or how to raise a child. I do not have children, but there is no way I would be feeding a child a potent and addictive drink like Coca Cola. Do you have any idea what how bad this drink is for a growing child and the impact it has on their health (the caffeine, sugar content etc). Obviously not. Not only that, but the way that this father has no manners is disgusting. Teaching a child to burp does not demonstrate good parenting, but rather a lack of parenting! It amazes me that someone within your marketing section didn't find the advertisement shameful. The advertisement demonstrated to me your organisation believes it is fine for a father to act this way, and actually appears to promote this kind of behaviour. It is such a shame that you have done this to your otherwise worthy organisation. Rather than celebrate fatherhood (which is something that I intend you wish to achieve) it makes me frown upon it, especially if these are the kind of fathers out there now! Your advertisement has aroused sympathy though. Sympathy for the mothers that then have to deal with the problems of the child, including health and behavioural, like a responsible parent because obviously the father couldn't give a toss about! Please don't continue to degrade your organisation through bad advertising. Jessica back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God Forgive my son for playing the guitar so well It must be a sin to play a guitar behind your head, and play it so well. I just wish you had given me that gift first so I could impress everybody. Also please forgive my son for telling the truth to the world, about me not doing my fair share of the housework. Surely he could have lied about me? But now the whole world knows the truth. What have I done to deserve this?? Absolutely nothing!!! And that is most of the problem! back to top Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_31DAE_01C700AF.02F42520 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 220 - 6th November, 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

 

 

 

 

Recently I was approached by our city-wide, daily newspaper to do a father and son story for them.  The only problem with the article is that my son mentions that I don't help my wife with the housework very much. I was working so hard at trying to create a good impression and my youngest son has blown me out of the water by telling the truth.  Truth is one of the occupational hazards of being a father and I would far prefer that you didn't know such things.  However wives and children have no regard for our egos and tell the truth anyway. The journalist, William Verity, from the Illawarra Mercury is a very committed father himself.  Here is his story.

 

Takes Two - Father and Son

The Weekender - Saturday 28th October 2006

 

Warwick Marsh founded the Fatherhood Foundation from his Berkeley home in 2002 to help men become better fathers. He also tours the world in a family band with his wife and five children. His youngest son, Israel, is the guitarist.

 

Warwick Marsh, 52:

 

I think all my relationships with my children are special but it's interesting how my relationship with Israel has developed over the last few years.

 

Part of it is that we share musical tastes, we think alike and he's great with his jokes.

 

He is interested in politics and he follows news, like me, where my other sons only follow it to make conversation with me.

 

We are a musical family. My wife Alison is a keyboardist and I started playing guitar when I was 12. We brought our family up to play music without thinking we would have a family band.

 

We have played for 16 years together and have travelled all over the world, performing in venues like churches, clubs, arenas. We call ourselves The Marshes. It's very unimaginative.

 

Israel and I both play guitar. I am a roots musician. As our band has evolved our sound has changed; the boys are doing hip-hop and rap. We have recorded two albums as a family. It's mostly original music.

 

I think fathers have to develop an excuse to be with their children. As men, we can develop connections through car mechanics or sport. It's been an excuse to connect and Israel and I think alike musically.

 

He's turned out to be a better guitarist than me which is most annoying and he can play guitar behind his head like Jimi Hendrix.

 

Israel has a twisted sense of humour. He loves going to extremes and he's extremely creative. I like to think I'm funny but I think Dad's jokes are never as funny as anybody else's.

 

My mother and father married late and they were set in their ways which created the third world war at home. One way I have tried to be different to my dad is to love my wife.

 

I think to love a woman is one of the hardest things a man can do. Men love women but we find them annoying because they are so different.

 

The greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. That means children will have both a mother and father. I grew up sometimes with my mother and other times with my father and I grew up with a broken heart.

 

Israel Marsh, 19:

 

My dad is passionate about certain things. He can get really focused and get things done.  He's pretty crazy and I see that in me sometimes. I'm a bit weird and I get that from him.

 

Sometimes I hear myself saying random words like "yabbadabbadoo" and I realise that dad says that.

 

He's shown me a lot in terms of raising family and how to do it right. We happily get along most of the time.

 

Just watching him and learning. It's leadership. It's about stepping up to the plate and taking on the role that fathers should have.

 

When things need to be done, he'll grab the reins and give direction and take the hard calls.

 

The music has helped us to gel together because we have this other perspective of being musical together. We interact with our music. That's helped us to be a better family.

 

It's good fun hanging out with the family. Sometimes us boys will run off around town. We do that more and more as we get older.

 

It's not all happy happy; we do have arguments after long plane trips but most of the time we just have fun together.

 

Sometimes my dad will get so focused on something that he will sit at the dinner table and you will ask him something and you will get no reply.

 

Being focused is a strength and a weakness. Sometimes you have to get back to where you are. He doesn't help mum much with the housework either.

 

He's done a pretty good job. It's easy for me to fault him in certain areas, but I don't see it from his perspective. Sometimes he gets too busy with the rest of his life.

 

I think his fatherhood stuff is great because I can see there's a lot of hurt out there. Some people haven't had a good experience.

 

Kids need their dads if possible. I think it's good to have that balance. You need mums and dads.

 

The relationship we have got is probably a unique one. It used to be dad the authority figure but as I have got older, I realise how much he knows. As I have got older, I have levelled up with him. I've understood what makes him tick and that in turn has taught me about myself. He's become more of a mentor.

 

Lovework

 

I could tell you to help your wife with the housework this week but you would quote, "physician heal thyself", back at me.  It looks like I will be scrubbing the floors this weekend. You have a break from Lovework this week while I catch up.

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Grandads

By the time a man realises

that maybe his father was right,

he usually has a son

who thinks he's wrong.

 

Charles Wadworth

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Laughter

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Single Dads

 

Tony Miller's Diary

 

31 October 2006

 

Day 18.

 

Shannon is once again struggling. I guess this is just part of the ups and downs that go with 'ARDS'. It's devastating to watch. She seems to be wasting away but I'm not giving up hope. Her gall bladder became swollen over the weekend but she is too ill to undergo an operation so they have drained it. Tomorrow they will try and see what is going on inside her tummy. Our hope is they will find whatever it is that is making her sick and fix it. Tonight she had her eyes open, although sedated, I could see the terrified look on her face. She was waking up wondering where she was. I was talking to her, stroking her hair and tears were flowing from the corner of her eye, her face was grimacing as if in pain. I spoke to her nurse and she gave her more sedation. I don't think I have felt more helpless than tonight. It's like watching your child screaming in pain with your hands tied behi nd you, unable to lift a finger to help. I had to leave her because I didn't want her to see that I was as frightened as she was.

 

Some people may wonder why I am writing about all this in public. Well for one it helps me; it gets it out rather then bottling it in. A bit like what we do in 'dids'. The other reason is that when Shannon does come home, she will have a diary of what happened. The nurses tell me the drugs they are giving her will erase her memory of what has happened. In a lot of ways that's a good thing but knowing Shannon she will want to know one day. Thirdly and most importantly I believe by putting this out in cyberspace, the more people that read it, the more prayers and energy she will receive. So tell your friends. I am a big believer in the power of prayer. I don't care of what denomination you may come from or what you believe, that's up to you. I just believe that the more people that read this and send their energy, prayers, healing, the better.

 

And while you at it there is a young girl called Kelly also in the ICU here at Penrith that is also in need of your energy, prayers and healing. Kelly also has a lung problem although more complicated than Shannon's. She has been in here for over 3 months. Her parents need your support as well.

 

You know often at meetings I ask my guys to do something during the week before the next meeting. And that is to just take the focus off their own problems just for 5 mins or an hour or a day and perform an act of kindness for someone in their group. It may just be a phone call, a card, an offer of a cup a coffee somewhere, anything, just an act of kindness.

 

Tonight I am asking if you could refocus your attention just for a minute or five or whatever you can give and perform an act of kindness for Kelly and her family by sending them your energy, prayers and healing because they need it too just as much as my baby does.

 

Kindness and compassion as you have heard me say many times, is the rent we must pay, for the space we inhabit on this earth. I reckon I'm still behind with the rent but I'm trying to catch up. What about you?

 

Tony Miller

Dads in Distress

www.dadsindistress.asn.au  

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All you need is Love

WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE?

IGNORE YOUR CHILDREN!

by Tess Simpson, Daily Mail, UK

 

Last week was something of a record for me. I was propositioned by three married men, two of whom knew I was married, says Tess Simpson in the Daily Mail.  In itself, this isn't particularly remarkable - not because I'm a sex siren, I hasten to add, but because I've just finished a novel about adultery. Quite a few husbands seem to think this means I'm willing for truth to emulate fiction. But what made last week so noteworthy was that all three potential philanderers gave the same reason for wanting to cheat on their wives. "She's so wrapped up in the children," one explained.

 

"She never has any time for me these days. Our sex life has more or less evaporated. What with her work and the kids, it's like she doesn't even know I'm there."

 

The others echoed his complaint. All felt they'd been pushed aside in favour of the children, and were angry and resentful about it. A woman's immediate response is to dismiss such men as pathetic, and with some justification. But just because we don't like how they feel doesn't mean we should ignore it.

 

It's no secret that many new fathers feel marginalised and excluded once children come along. This usually has nothing to do with how they feel about the baby. But all the love and attention that was previously focused on them has suddenly been diverted to the squalling, red-faced scrap of flesh in their wife's arms. Men aren't used to second place in a woman's affections.

 

The harsh reality is that unless women want to suddenly take on the burden of parenthood alone, it's time we woke up to what men really want - and that isn't having to live in their children's shadow.

 

"Utopian romance gets blasted by the realities of family life," says family therapist Esther Perel, author of Mating In Captivity: Sex, Lies & Domestic Bliss. "Cultivating the ideal relationship requires care and attention, and this competes directly with the "full-contact" parenting many of us embrace. The past few decades have ushered in an emphasis on children's happiness that would make our grandparents shudder. Childhood has been sanctified to such a degree that it no longer seems ridiculous for one adult to sacrifice herself entirely in order to foster the flawless and painless development of her offspring - a 24/7, one-person child-rearing factory."

 

A survey last week revealed that - contrary to the myth that modern couples and are too busy to bond with their children - these days we all want to be 'Superparents' who spend more time with our children than ever before. The figures suggested that parents today spend four times as many minutes a day with children under 16, 99 minutes compared to 25 in 1975.

 

Of course, the knee-jerk reaction is that this is a good thing. But in reality, it's just another example of a generation of adults prostrating themselves at the altar of their offspring. My two siblings and I grew up in no doubt that we were loved, but also that we were of secondary importance in the family hierarchy.  My mother made it clear that in our house, my father came first. "He's the one I married," she said. "And he's the one I'll still be married to, long after you've all grown up and left home."

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Thought of the Week

 

 

Insanity is hereditary

You can get it from your children.

 

Samuel Levenson

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Special Feature

Men Have Biological Clocks Too,

Sperm Study Says

John Roach

for National Geographic News

June 6, 2006

 

Note to men: You've got a biological clock too, and it's ticking.

 

It's not just women who face decreased reproductive success with age. The genetic quality of sperm deteriorates as men get older, according to a new study.

 

Sperm may degrade with age, resulting in male biological clock

 

Starting in their 20s, men face steadily increasing chances of infertility, fathering an unsuccessful pregnancy, and passing on to their children a genetic mutation that causes dwarfism, according to the study.

 

The finding comes as more and more men are delaying fatherhood. Since 1980 U.S. birth rates have increased up to 40 percent for men aged 35 to 49 and decreased up to 20 percent for men under the age of 30, according to the research.

 

Studies have also shown that it takes longer for older men to conceive.

 

"We [now] know the probability for certain types of DNA damage goes up with age, and we can give you a mathematical probability," said Andrew Wyrobek, a researcher at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore, California.

 

The higher the percentage of a man's sperm that has DNA damage, the less likely he will be able to successfully father a healthy child, Wyrobek added.

 

Wyrobek is a co-lead author of the new study, which appears in today's issue of the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

 

Researchers have long known that female fertility decreases with age. The longer women delay reproduction, the greater their risk of miscarriage and giving birth to children with diseases such as Down syndrome.

 

Female fertility abruptly ends with the onset of menopause.

 

"Our research suggests that men too have a biological time clock, only it is different," Brenda Eskenzai, a study co-author at the University of California, Berkeley's School of Public Health, said in a statement. "Men seem to have a gradual rather than an abrupt change in fertility and in the potential ability to produce viable healthy offspring."

 

In the study, Wyrobek, Eskenzai, and colleagues examined the genetic quality of sperm from 97 healthy, nonsmoking men between the ages of 22 and 80. The men were current and retired employees of the Livermore laboratory.

The study sample included at least 15 men from each ten-year period from 20 to 60 years of age and 25 men 60 to 80 years old.

 

In earlier research on the same sperm samples, the team found that sperm count, mobility, and the ability of sperm to move in a straight line declines with age. The new research shows that mobility has a high correlation with DNA fragmentation.

 

The new study also found that men face increased risk of fathering children with achondroplasia, a genetic mutation that causes a form of dwarfism.

The condition stunts bone growth; affected individuals have short arms and legs and grow to only about 4 feet (1.2 meters) tall.

 

As women grow older, they are more likely to give birth to a baby with Down syndrome. Not so for men, apparently.

 

However, the study found no general correlation among male age and chromosome changes that cause Down syndrome.

 

Even so, 4 of the 97 men were at increased risk for transmitting multiple genetic and chromosomal defects, according to the results. Age may have nothing to do with these subjects' condition, though; one was in his 20s and three were over 60.

 

Interestingly, Wyrobek added, the sperm in the Lawrence Livermore sample showed no increase with age in Apert syndrome, a disfiguring birth defect.

 

However, the likelihood of fathering a child with Apert increased with age in men from inner-city Baltimore, Maryland, tested by researchers at the Johns Hopkins Medical Center for a different study.

 

Wyrobek cautioned against reading too much into the Baltimore study group's results, since they were all from men who lived in the same area.

 

"There're other things going on besides age. ? It could be socioeconomic, or diet, or ethnicity."

 

Further studies, he added, will examine the Apert syndrome factor in greater detail.

 

Don't Panic

 

Craig Niederberger is a urologist at the University of Illinois in Chicago. He said the research findings are interesting and warrant further study. But he cautioned that the technique used to test the DNA of sperm is new and controversial.

 

"Older men should not yet be concerned about fathering children. The evidence is still inconclusive," he said.

 

According to Niederberger, who is president of the Society for Male Reproduction and Urology, researchers need to examine the integrity of sperm DNA with other methods before sounding alarms about male infertility.

 

Nevertheless, he said, the finding that a genetic mutation that leads to dwarfism increases with age is cause for "some concern. We ought to pursue it."

 

Wyrobek said the research raises more questions than answers. But it suggests certain kinds of DNA damage and genetic defects go up with age.

 

Bottom line: "There are consequences of delaying fatherhood," he said.

 

For photos, and research links:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/06/060606-sperm-clock.html

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News & Info

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mens Health starts with Men

Support

 

Prostrate Cancer Research and Male Depression  whcih are two of the largest areas which threaten Mens health and survival

 

  1. Men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy of males is 6 years less than females.
  2. Every year in Australia 2,700 men die of prostate cancer - more than the number of women who die from breast cancer.
  3. Depression affects 1 in 6 men-Most don't seek help. Untreated depression is a leading risk factor for suicide. Rates of suicide are more than double the national road toll.

 

http://www.movember.com/au/whatismov/

 

 

 

Breathing Under Water

Understanding 12 Step Spirituality

Monday 13th November 2006

7.30pm to 9:30pm

You are invited to register for an evening with

FR. RICHARD ROHR (O.F.M.)

BARDON CONFERENCE CENTRE

390 Simpsons Rd. Bardon, Q.

For further information contact:

MTM Australia (07)  3876 8710

 

Richard Rohr has been exploring issues of male spirituality since 1987. From this work Richard observed that men in our western culture were lacking in their experience and understanding of the transcendent power of God. He has established Rites of Passage programs in New Mexico to help guide men through a formal initiation process that they may have missed during their critical developmental period as young men. The Men As Learners and Elders (M.A.L.E.s) program was established in 2002 to carry out the vision of creating a school for male spiritual development by expanding the scope of Men's Rites of Passage programs throughout the world. One of the goals of M.A.L.E.s is to form an extended network of men and leaders who have an ecumenical vision of the Gospel. These men will then serve as Elders in providing leadership and guidance in spiritual development for other men in future generations.

 

*************************

 

No Child Support Compo for Duped Dad

 

By Kate Lahey, October 31, 2006 http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,20677411-1702,00.html. 

 

A MELBOURNE man who paid child support for eight years for two children who were not his own has lost a bid for compensation for psychological damages.  Liam Neale Magill, 56, sought compensation from the Commonwealth Child Support Agency, claiming it breached a duty of care owed to him and caused him psychological injury.

Mr Magill says the agency failed to quickly correct over-deductions taken from his salary, which left him at one stage with just $132 a week to live on during 1999.  When he pointed this out to the agency in June, 1999, he also told them for the first time that he suspected two of the children were not his.  DNA testing confirmed this later.

County Court Judge Graham Anderson dismissed Mr Magill's compensation claim today, saying there was no basis for it.  Mr Magill began paying child support for three children after he separated from his wife in 1992.  In 2000, DNA testing revealed that only one of the children was his.  In November, 2002, Mr Magill was awarded $70,000 from his ex-wife by the Victorian County Court for damages and economic loss.  However, the Victorian Court of Appeal later overturned that decision, ruling there was no evidence Meredith Magill had intended to deceive her husband.

Mr Magill has appealed that ruling in the High Court.  In his decision today, Judge Anderson said the agency did not repay Mr Magill the money he had provided for the two children because to do so would disadvantage their mother. Outside court, Mr Magill's partner, Cheryl King, said today's decision showed how difficult it was to take on a government agency.   She said Mr Magill was financially crippled while the agency took from June to September, 1999, to correct the deductions.

Ms King said the agency should pursue the children's real father.   "There's a perfectly healthy, breathing, living, biological father out there that could easily have paid for his own children," Ms King said.  "This organisation is well overdue for an overhaul and their practices are not equitable.  "One way or another, it's just not equitable for the average person like Liam Magill."

Lawyers for the Commonwealth told the court they would seek costs from Mr Magill.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Battle for Balance

 

Alby Schultz Mp is the sitting Federal Member for the Federal seat of Hume.  He has produced a booklet 'The Battle for Balance - A heartfelt war of relationships, families and money' about Child Support in Australia. In the forward of 'The Battle for Balance', Alby writes:

 

'During the past couple of years I have conducted some of Australia's most comprehensive case study research on this issue.

 

What I have uncovered is an alarming number of parents, in the majority fathers, who are not only being denied a significant place in their child's life by the Family Court but are then being driven to desperation, and in some cases suicide, by one-sided and discriminate legislation and a relentless bureaucracy called the Child Support Agency.'

 

To request a copy of this insightful document please write to

Alby Schultz MP

Federal Member for Hume

33 Ottiwell St

Goulburn NSW 2580

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Older Dads - SBS TV Documentary

Request for Interviews

 

Iris Pictures is an award winning documentary production company who specialise in longer form, intimate social documentaries. Most of our work is screened on the ABC or SBS TV. We are based at Film Australia, Sydney.

 

SBS TV have approached us to develop a four part series exploring the issues faced by Older Dads. The joys, the struggles, the realities. We are looking for men 50 years and older who have become dads for the first time or second time around.

 

Perhaps you are about to have a baby or already have a newborn or toddlers....teenagers or older children. Perhaps you are a 75 yr old dad with a 10 yr old son?or you are currently trying to conceive a child. I'd be open to all sorts of situations as we're looking for a cross section of stories.

 

Initially, I would like to do an interview on the phone with the possibility of filming early next year.

 

I'd greatly appreciate any interested dads (or potential dads) contacting Nicky Ruscoe on the following:

Mobile: 0418 626 981

Wk: 02 9413 8700

Email: nruscoe@filmaust.com.au

 

I am hoping to complete all phone interviews by November 17th.

Thank you very much. I appreciate your time and consideration.

Nicky

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

   

Hey, Dad for fathers who have a child with a disability

is a new addition to the Hey Dad series of programs and is being developed in partnership between Burnside, Centacare Broken Bay and The Spastic Centre and Lifestart with funding from FaCSIA.

 

6-7 February 2007 - 7 Blackwood Place, Nth Parramatta

Ph: Andrew King on 0412 404 577

 

This training supports facilitators to target dads who have a child with a disability, and provide Dads and Kids Playgroups and a Dads? Workshops in either a three or five hour format. The training provides a suggested program and resources for workers to facilitate both types of groups. Themes explored in the Dads? Workshops include:

-  working in partnership with service providers  

- juggling the needs of your family, work and your own needs

- balancing the needs of other family members

- encouraging your child?s emotional growth

- focusing on the future

 

The program will help organisations that support families who have children with disabilities, to involve fathers more easily into their service. When both workshops are provided once per school term, the manual provides enough resources to deliver an 18-month program.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

I have just seen your advertisement on the television and I am disgusted. I cannot believe that you are advertising the importance of fathers and then depicting a father who obviously has no idea of responsibility or how to raise a child. I do not have children, but there is no way I would be feeding a child a potent and addictive drink like Coca Cola. Do you have any idea what how bad this drink is for a growing child and the impact it has on their health (the caffeine, sugar content etc). Obviously not. Not only that, but the way that this father has no manners is disgusting. Teaching a child to burp does not demonstrate good parenting, but rather a lack of parenting! It amazes me that someone within your marketing section didn't find the advertisement shameful. The advertisement demonstrated to me your organisation believes it is fine for a father to act th is way, and actually appears to promote this kind of behaviour.

 

It is such a shame that you have done this to your otherwise worthy organisation. Rather than celebrate fatherhood (which is something that I intend you wish to achieve) it makes me frown upon it, especially if these are the kind of fathers out there now! Your advertisement has aroused sympathy though. Sympathy for the mothers that then have to deal with the problems of the child, including health and behavioural, like a responsible parent because obviously the father couldn't give a toss about!

 

Please don't continue to degrade your organisation through bad advertising.

 

Jessica

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

 

Forgive my son

for playing the guitar so well

It must be a sin

to play a guitar behind your head,

and play it so well.

I just wish you had given me that gift first

so I could impress everybody.

Also please forgive my son

for telling the truth to the world,

about me not doing my fair share

of the housework.

Surely he could have lied about me?

But now the whole world knows the truth.

What have I done to deserve this??

Absolutely nothing!!!

And that is most of the problem!

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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